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Still Life With Prudence

by Brian Berger

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1.
Still Life With Prudence I found a light beneath the sea A sea made up of Midwest fields and Indiana trees A light brighter than I had seen She grew faint as time went on And one day I had turned around and found my light was gone And darkness was all I could see Friend here’s a tale I’m going to weave A story with no hero, villain, plot line or an end Just a light now in someone else’s sea Shining brighter than here with me Listen closely Maybe you’ll learn from what I sing
2.
Cult Preaching Grounds I am leaving a voicemail On your cell phone I am saying, “Fuck you, I wish that I had never met you” I am barely conscious Somewhere in London I’m about to regret every drunken word in the sober morning And when you leave me I’ll write emotional songs About how I’m the one with the broken heart And you’re the killer who left with someone But I am not the hero everybody came to see They are standing up in anger throwing drinks up at the screen They are filing out one by one from the theater in my head Housing my movie So here it goes My last piece of advice If you’re ever feeling down and out Just know I’ve felt sad enough for us both So you be happy And I’ll be me And everything will work itself out eventually I am driving On that stretch of road The one you said looks antique You know that road where we used to go And I am thinking Of accents Of Leonard Cohen of Scotland of green grass Of being inches from your face and your electrical gaze And being forced to have to be passive And you are somewhere In the middle Of being happy and being settled And I think it’s such a shame that you have to feel that way It’s more exciting to be fragile
3.
Empty Hands Part I We both know how this is going to end You with the world and me with empty hands You promised this time it’s not my fault You’re just going through some shit is all But I remember sitting on my front porch In the middle of the night staring up at the sky Wanting absolutely nothing more Then wanting to feel all right again I heard the government was trying To keep you locked up in my head Said the paranoid schizophrenic Who was heartbroken and said I’m staring at pictures of your and your boyfriend Torturing myself almost every night I need to accept that this pipe dream is over And I’m not the one that you want in your life
4.
Empty Hands Part II (A Song About The Weather) Have you seen my hands? They’re stained with ink from writing your name again And again and again When I woke I thought I’ll write a song about the weather But it was you that came out of my pen The doctors told me “C’mon man your health is far below our standards” I replied Have you seen the way she left me? Broken and taken for granted How can you blame me for living reckless They said “You can’t get clean in a day Dirty empty hands take time to fade away It doesn’t help that you’re feeding the pain” Have you seen my hands? They’re stained with ink from crossing your name out Again and again
5.
John's Got A Wounded Pride Well I said on the phone This will be the last time I speak to you See I’m trying to get better And the image of you in his arms Takes my neurons by force and severs The fact that once you made me happy I wrote you love songs When you were in love with somebody else And I dreamt about you When you were sleeping next to somebody else This is my last testament I cant feel like this no more This is the last time I feel you name on my lips And I said in my head To the fictional characterization of you This will be the last time I have a hypothetical conversation with you See I’m trying to heal And this will be the last step in my treatment That takes my status From hopeless to badly damaged I said on the phone This will be the last time I speak to you I’m trying to get better And Annie I need you to be A ghost to me now
6.
Beautiful and New She will lie next to me (Are you okay?) And I will lie through my teeth (You look so sad) And tell her all the things she wants to hear Like “Darling I like the way That you look when you sleep If only you could just stay here” But when the morning comes And I get up before dawn And leave her dreaming in my bed I’ll stare across the room One hand on the door A final thought drifts into my head She is beautiful and new But she ain’t you
7.
Five Letters 02:11
Five Letters My sister’s in New York Half a world away I’m in my room wondering what she would say “Oh borther, we ain’t kids no more Everything once simple has now changed. I got them suit and tie blues You got them girl no more blues But mama raised us killers I even once heard you say” Mitch is gettin’ high again Boston’s off to Spain Devin’s got a chip on his shoulder from past pains Collin’s in the next room hearing every word I say Jacob’s in the next state Abby’s even further away Meg will have a new tattoo before this song comes out Leni’s trying to put her volumes back up on the shelf I spent a lot of time writing songs with her name And in return I got a feeble rationalized pain To all my friends I should have been Writing for all along I’ll keep these words clear of five letters That left me like you never would
8.
Skinny Legs and All Darling don’t you know that I’ve been drowning in this lake all summer And the shoes I wore Were made of iron So when I jumped in it didn’t help Now the weather’s getting colder And I’m feeling kind of older But my actions don’t reflect that self And my friends all say “Hey Brian why do you choose to live in that destructive way?” and I ask the same My mama never told me That a heart could be so broken Or a night so dark that you can’t see But she raised me tough A true father’s son A fucking killer of this misery Darling you know that I’ve been drowning in this lake all summer And despite my shoes That were made of iron I’m going to float up so you can see That the weather’s getting colder But I ain’t feeling any older I’ll make the same mistakes as when I was seventeen Cause this life is short And it’s meant to be lived Slightly left of where I know you’ll be Slightly left of where you’re afraid to leave Slightly left of where I fear you’ll forever be
9.
10.
Trembling Breaths Stolen glances and misty eyes The touch of soft skin and your fevered high The cops busted in to our backseat And said “Is this a meeting of lovers we see?” I replied, “Officer can’t you tell? We’re fully clothed and broken as hell.” When they left it was you and me Alone again to kill off our planned memories I held your head you touched my hand I felt our future’s fade with each of your trembling breaths She said “Brian you’re made of the best stuff, I love you, don’t do this to me” She said “Brian you’re made of the best stuff, I love you, don’t do this to me” She said “Brian you’re made of the best stuff, I love you, don’t do this to me” She said “Brian you’re made of the best stuff, but I know why you have to leave”
11.
A Girl Dressed As A Ghost Hey man, your sweatshirt smells like cigarettes Hey man, we both know what that means That this world it let you down And you coped like you knew how Filled your body with all those poisonous coping things Hey man, your friends they miss they way you were Hey man, the same it goes for me What was once a joyful kid Full of reckless dreams and sin Now an empty shell of who he used to be But hey man, I promise it gets better And hey man, this feeling won’t last forever This is me speaking to you Your future self to your current you From a place so much warmer than where you’ve been You got the best people you know It’s been a while since you told them so But they will help you pick up all the pieces Scattered by a girl dressed as a ghost

credits

released January 12, 2016

Drums, Organ - Collin Thomas
Bass - Chris Alexeev
Violin, French Horn, Organ, Whistles - Walter Everton
Trumpet - Matt Riggen
Vocals - Jessica Mann
Vocals - Meg Ochs
Vocals - Hannah Webster
Voice Narration - Joshua Sites
Lead Guitar in "A Girl Dressed As A Ghost" written by Jacob Seeman

Engineered by Brian Berger and Meg Ochs
Mixed and Mastered by Brian Berger

Album Artwork by Rose Harding

"Boots of Spanish Leather" written by Bob Dylan, originally released by Columbia Records, January 13th, 1964

Special Thanks to Devin Haymond, Mitch Fee, Jacob Seeman, Kevin Seeman, and John Draughon

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